I had my babies the easy way. In fact, I never really "tried" to get pregnant. Both times I became pregnant because my husband and I decided that we were going to try "next month" which meant we might as well be careless at "this moment". Before next month even came I was already heaving my guts up into the toilet.
So in a way, I felt as if I twitched my nose, made a wish, and it was so before I even had time to consider it. Which is why the struggles of the infertile women, observed brilliantly in blogs like Chez Miscarriage or A Little Pregnant or This Woman's Work make me realize how totally clueless I really was when I jumped into pregnancy and became a mother. I wanted to be a mother and assumed it would happen when I was ready and that I would have two perfect, healthy babies.
But turns out that it was all just dumb luck.
I didn't do anything right that made my wish come true. I was just at the right cosmic place at the right cosmic time. But things were not always pretty. And being the victim of intense, non-relenting morning sickness for eight full weeks opened my eyes quickly to the fact that "making babies is a lot harder than anyone says." Also, seeing my friends and family struggle to build their families and suffer in their own ways also made me realize how lucky I was.
Making babies is about LIFE and DEATH. There are great risks involved, and no guarantees that everything will turned out as planned. But that's also what makes it all so worthwhile. Anyway, my thoughts are with all of those women out there with dreams of babies, and empty arms that need to be filled. And I thank the women who somehow have the energy to share their journeys. It must be so difficult to suffer infertility because most of the time you struggle in silence. It's not something you can easily share with casual acquaintances and I imagine even family.
I know I will never be able to truly understand what it is these women are going through. But I do understand the very primal need to have a baby and I think that is something that can connect us to each other.
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