So today I woke up with a familiar ache behind my eyes. Feels an awful lot like an impending migraine. So all of my blogging about the blues and writing, and it may be that my recent blues have nothing to do with my artistic soul, but are actually more founded in some physiological basis. My body is very sensitive. And by journaling I have been able to see a connection between my mind and body. My mind somehow knows a migraine is coming long before I do. Or maybe, the migraine is just a symptom of my physical/mental crash and not a trigger.
You see, I'm not really sure which comes first - the migraine or the blues. Does my depressed state trigger the migraine, or does the slight barometer changes in my body somehow reach my moods first, in an attempt to signal to me that a migraine is on its way?
It's all very upsetting. For years I've suffered from migraines, but it wasn't until motherhood when my hormones wreaked havoc on my poor sensitive body that my migraines became unbearable. I'm now taking a daily antidepressant that is supposed to "prevent migraines." And usually it does help, because a year ago, without medication I was enduring weeks and weeks of constant headache pain. But several hormonal times during the month, a migraine comes no matter what and for that I luckily have "Imitrex" which is the only medication I've ever taken that can stop my migraines after they begin.
By the way, right after my son was born, I was truly a physical mess. Migraine sufferers do not do well with disturbed sleep patterns and poor dietary habits. At that time, I hadn't yet been given anything to relieve migraines - in fact I had never sought medical treatment for my migraines because before they were not very frequent. Anyway, there were days that I wanted to sleep away my migraine (which at the time was the only treatment I knew) but I discovered that my post-natal tylenol with codeine was the only pain-reliever that did the trick. It was an amazing muscle relaxer that allowed me to somehow escape the pain of the migraine and make it through the day with a 2 year-old and a newborn. At that point, I went to a specialist , deciding that codeine probably wasn't a habit I wanted to rely on.
I've heard that Elvis Presley was a migraine sufferer and in light of that, his drug addiction makes sense to me. I can see how one could easily get addicted to narcotics for migraine relief. It is perhaps the worst pain a person can endure - without actually being ill, injured, or near death. I'm lucky for Imitrex which allows me to otherwise get out of bed and live my life despite the migraine. And I'm lucky because it isn't an addictive substance. Because I felt the strength, power, and beautiful relief brought on by tylenol with codeine. I wonder what would have happened if I lived in a time when Valium and narcotics were the only things prescribed for pain relief.
We also live in a society that doesn't allow us to truly slow-down and allow our bodies to heal on their own time. So popping pills for "instant relief" is a very enticing remedy. And truly scary.
I took Celexa for 2 years for both migraines and depression. At the end of the two years, I started getting them again, but not as often as before I started the meds. I still get them once a month, during that special time, and when I get really stressed. It's torturous. People that don't get them, don't get it.
Posted by: BES | Wednesday, February 18, 2004 at 08:39 PM