Love Is Enough

Our Sons Are Not Thugs...

So glad that my teenage son is white and that he most likely won't be profiled by the color of his skin. That he can walk out the front door with his saggy shorts and teen attitude and won't be immediately profiled as a thug.

Nope, he's just a dopey, sometimes mopey teen still growing into himself. Some days he does stupid things (don't we all?), he might be swayed by the crowd. But most days, god, he's still the most amazing young man on the planet, and I still adore him with all of my heart. He's my son. And he's my world. And I'd do anything for him.

Thank god he doesn't do stupid things hardly ever. But god forbid he ever walks out that door and gets into terrible trouble, I hope to god he gets a good cop, the kind who assumes he's a good kid, and not, you know, a thug, and I hope he's the kind of cop who doesn't panic and immediately unload his weapon and fire ten times on an unarmed teen who maybe did something stupid, and is stronger than he knows, and then made things worse by panicking (because god forbid he grew up in a racially-charged neighborhood that taught him not to trust cops who seem rather trigger-happy, and the cops, well they don't trust the kids either, because they don't know them except they represent something by the color of their skin).

three simple words

They are three of the simplest words in the entire English language: 

I. Love. You.

And yet strung together, they create one of the most powerful statements we can utter to another human being.

I wish these words would tumble off my tongue often and easily. I am embarrassed and sad to say they don't. And that has become a problem for me. Because not only do I want to become more loving, I want to be able to express myself more lovingly.

why blog about my life and love and all that?

The last time I dove into blogging it was almost ten years ago (2003 to be exact), and I was struggling with the frustrations and isolation of stay-at-home motherhood and looking for a community of peers to help me make sense of the complexities of my current situation. I found that community and they not only saved my life and sanity, confirming to me that I wasn't alone, they also inspired me daily with their compassion, kindness and wit.

As my kids aged and I found other creative outlets (screenwriting and filmmaking) my blogging fell by the wayside. Facebook status updates became my daily contact with the online community.

Now, I find myself dusting off the old blogging skills because I sense that once again it might just save my life and sanity. 

So why now?

the darkest night rises

I should be giddy, having just come home from attending the midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises with my thirteen-year-old son. But as the sun is about to come up and the rain falls, my mood darkens into the consistent melancholy that now seems to be my norm.

While I didn’t think Batman would change my life, I went knowing that the film served many purposes. A chance to bond with my thirteen-year-old son and show him mom is kinda cool. A chance to get in touch with my own inner teenage geek. A chance to push my middle-aged body and prove I got what it takes to survive a midnight movie that will last until way past my bedtime. An adrenaline rush. An excuse to have fun. Or perhaps, I was merely seeking something to take my mind off of other things…or should I say, other THING-- really there is only ONE other thing that absorbs most of my focus and energy these days –

MY SEPARATION FROM MY HUSBAND.