Love Is Enough

How do we love Lance Armstrong and his failures of conscience?

The internet is abuzz with Oprah Winfrey's interview with Lance Armstrong in which he finally admits to doping.

How do we judge Armstrong's obvious misdeeds (lying and cheating) from a loving standpoint?

Instead of condemning the man and his actions as repugnant and unredeemable, let's use this as a teachable moment. Why is our society obsessed with medals, and being the best? Why do we push our athletes past what is humanly possible? Why do we look to athletes as our public heroes at all?

does love mean never having to say you're sorry?

The infamous line from Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal in the 1970 weepy, Love Story, states -- "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Once again we have sweeping advice about love and romance from Hollywood...advice that is just really terrible and only sustainable if your ill-fated "love story" ends before it really begins. Ali MacGraw's Jenny is dead at 25! Ryan's Oliver grieves for about twenty minutes or until Candice Bergen appears during Oliver's Story.

John Lennon, on the other hand, is quoted as saying, "Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes."

I happen to agree with John on this one, but it's taken me a very long time to get here. 

listen to your heart

Love is not logical. 

That is one thing I've come to know with middle age. I have tried to use logic, but lately, thank god, my heart gets in the way. My head has begun to lose many arguments...and that's a good thing.

My head tells me it's illogical to think you can love one person your entire life. My head tells me it's stupid to think two people can grow in love at exactly the same pace. My head tells me face the facts, people change, life gets in the way, love ebbs. My head tells me, be realistic, there are millions of people out there...what makes you think you've found "the one"?

My heart tells me....listen....and you will know the answer.

love immersion

How do we immerse ourselves in a loving attitude?

I try to do it by getting up each and every day and making a concentrated effort to be more loving to myself and others. The hope is I will start my day off each day on a positive note. If I can do that, hopefully I will be able to handle whatever the day throws at me, and I will be able to do so in a calm and loving manner.

However, like I've said repeatedly, I'm still a Student of Love who needs constant and consistent practice, so it's not easy and I'm no Mother Teresa. I am, hopefully, someone who is growing beyond the limitations of ego enough that I have more loving moments each day than I used to have.

becoming a student of love

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
George Eliot

One of my strengths in this life is that I am a good student. I observe well, listen well, and take phenomenal notes. I love reading so I am an excellent researcher and can immerse myself in many topics of interest.  And more than that, I do well when tested, because I generally can slog through the mass of materials presented and hone in on the salient points of interest.

And yet, I feel I would fail a test on love.  It is a subject I should be well-versed in, and yet, I'm not sure I've ever really grasped the subject completely.

Is it too late for me to become a STUDENT of LOVE?

therapeutic love

“He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning.” Danish Proverb

I went back into therapy yesterday after an eleven year break for some THERAPEUTIC LOVE.

I realized it was time to stop trying to manage my separation and midlife crisis on my own. It's not always fair or practical to lean on friends or family, plus I felt I needed to ask for professional wisdom and guidance from an objective third-party. I needed a safe place to spill my guts...and hopefully find some answers.

hurdles to happiness

HAPPINESS. We all want it and yet at times it can seem so damn elusive.

It's here one minute and then vanishes the next. We can steal snippets of happiness, but often are left with an overall feeling of discontent or unhappiness. The older we get, the more disillusioned we can become, asking ourselves: Where's my slice of happiness?...Haven't I paid my dues? ...Is this all there is?

Despite my recent personal problems, I would rate myself as overall fairly happy, meaning I feel I am living the life I was meant to live and am aware that I have been lucky/blessed in many ways. I believe that every challenge and/or opportunity in my life has presented itself for a reason, and has made me the person I am.

But while I dont have an overwhelming feeling of disillusionment or disconnect at this phase of my life, I am coming to terms with the fact that I can have more than I currently have. I can have the life I imagine. I can have MORE happiness -- and beyond that a sense of well-being, fulfillment, and love.

The only thing keeping me from having that life? MYSELF.

love and romance...hollywood style

Recently, I was driving in my car and a local radio station announced that it had been polling the audience all day asking them to vote for the #1 Romantic Movie of All Time. And then it proudly announced that the inner of the poll was none other then....drumroll please....GHOST.

At first, I thought, that was a pretty cool choice. After all, I agree that Ghost is funny, thrilling, original, scary (anything with Whoopi Goldberg usually is), and sexy (yes it's hard to forget Demi and Patrick in Pottery 101). But as I was driving along listening to the disc jockeys rattle off their own personal favorite romantic movies (Titanic, Casablanca, The English Patient, Gone With The Wind, The Way We Were, and others) I was immediately struck by one common theme in their choices.

Is it possible that in movies, the most romantic scenarios aren't those in which lovers are united for life -- but those in which lovers are kept apart for eternity or DIE young?

** Note: This is a repost from The Philosophical Mother, 2003

practice makes perfect...even in love

"Ask yourself the secret of your success. Listen to your answer, and practice it." Richard Bach

As I've said before, I'm not able to express love easily and that has really begun to trouble me, which is why I started this blog to begin with. I have come to realize that just because something doesn't come naturally to me, doesn't mean I can't learn it and it certainly doesn't mean I won't eventually master it.

LOVE is no different from any other activity or aspect I choose or desire to include in my life -- if I want to be excel at it, I have to practice it. DAILY.

three simple words

They are three of the simplest words in the entire English language: 

I. Love. You.

And yet strung together, they create one of the most powerful statements we can utter to another human being.

I wish these words would tumble off my tongue often and easily. I am embarrassed and sad to say they don't. And that has become a problem for me. Because not only do I want to become more loving, I want to be able to express myself more lovingly.