Love is not logical.
That is one thing I've come to know with middle age. I have tried to use logic, but lately, thank god, my heart gets in the way. My head has begun to lose many arguments...and that's a good thing.
My head tells me it's illogical to think you can love one person your entire life. My head tells me it's stupid to think two people can grow in love at exactly the same pace. My head tells me face the facts, people change, life gets in the way, love ebbs. My head tells me, be realistic, there are millions of people out there...what makes you think you've found "the one"?
My heart tells me....listen....and you will know the answer.
Clearly, it doesn't make sense when I look at it from a rational point of view. I met the man I married when I was a child, inexperienced in both life and love. I didn't have a strong sense of self, in fact, I barely had declared a major. I didn't have the desire to get married, or settle down, nor did I know what I was looking for in a man. Mostly, I didn't yet really know what I wanted for myself.
The thing about falling in love when you are young and inexperienced is that you don't listen to the nagging voice inside your head, because it sounds too much like a parent. Instead, you throw caution to the wind, you embrace a rebel attitude. You don't worry about the future, because you are young, and in love, and having too much fun living in the moment.
Sometimes there are advantages to NOT being older and wiser. As kids, we know how to play and are content just being fully immersed in play. And in youth, we haven't experienced enough disappointment and heartache to turn us sour or scared. We act on pure instinct, instead of rationalizing and agonizing over every decision.
In middle age we start looking back and wondering if we made the right choices. We also start looking ahead and start plotting our course ahead in a more rational, and logical matter. Why not? We only have so many good years left.
Still I am glad that of late my heart has been winning the war with my head.
My heart knows what it knows, and wants what it wants. It doesn't care that the rational mind believes it makes no sense to stay with one man your entire life. We say these things to ourselves when our hearts are breaking, because the head wants to protect us from hurt and put walls around us. But the heart knows there's no such thing as protection. When you love fully with all your heart...you are bound to get hurt at some point. And the more you love, the more you will get hurt.
The heart does not listen to logic. Unfortunately, as we age, some of us stop listening to our hearts and start relying solely on our heads for direction. We become stuck in our rational minds believing that love has abandoned us, when in reality it is we who have abandoned love.
Me? I'm tired of letting my head rule the roost. So rather than retreat from love, or try to maintain a rational point of view, I skip ahead to the beat of my heart. It's all I can do. It's all any of us can do.
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