I woke up today trying to come up with a word to describe my state of mind. Then I came upon this article, How to Tell if it's Ennui or Weltschmerz. I believe Weltschmerz is the winner...
Weltschmerz describes "a world weariness felt from a perceived mismatch between the ideal image of how the world should be with how it really is."
As someone who is very sensitive and empathetic, there is much reason to feel "world pain" as I look around at the current world we inhabit. But more than that, as someone suffering from chronic Lyme (now going on 2.5 years with little to zero relief), I feel a weariness within my own personal world because of the unfortunate disconnect between the life I want, and the reality of living with chronic pain.
I am not bored or filled with angst, just feeling frustrated/tired of waking up each day and not having the fullness of presence I desire. There is so much I want to do with my minutes, hours, and days (that don't revolve around trying to minimize pain).
I want to experience more, learn more, evolve more, share more, teach more, listen more, love more. I want to help heal the world's pain, and not just my own.
And sitting on the sidelines, watching the world go by from my window, leaves me feeling a sense of incompleteness, and weariness.
http://mentalfloss.com/article/58230/how-tell-whether-youve-got-angst-ennui-or-weltschmerz
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