mothers and daughters

A couple of weeks ago, I received two review copies of two different memoirs about a mother and a daughter.   I'm happy to say that I dove right into both books and was pleasantly surprised and entertained by both, although they are quite different from one another.

The two books are It Hit Me Like A Ton of Bricks and Come Back: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back.

In It Hit Me Like A Ton of Bricks, first-time author, Catherine Lloyd Burns, talks about  trying to connect with her hard-working, talented, yet distant mother. Her childhood is marred by the untimely death of her father (whom she isn't allowed to mourn), the repeated abuse by a elevator operator in her apartment building, and the constant lack of attention from her own mother.  Through her teens and early twenties, Burn's rage leads to bulimia and cocaine use.  But through it all, Burns keeps a sense of humor.  This isn't a sad, woe-is-me tale.  Burns, an actress of some success, knows how to keep her memories light and funny, even when tender and painful. 

Does she ultimately connect with ther distant mother?  Probably not to the extent she'd like, but the birth of her own daughter, Olive, helps Burns gain some perspective on her own mother and her mothering choices. Burns ultimately learns, as we all do as mothers, that mothering is hard and nobody's perfect.

The second mother/daughter memoir, Come Back: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back, is a fascinating, yet horrifying journey into darkness and every mother's worst nightmare come true.  Claire Fontaine, a successful Los Angeles screenwriter comes home one day to find her 15-year-old daughter, Mia has disappeared.  Mia, it seems, has been living a double life, addicted to drugs, cutting herself, and hanging on the streets with the streetkids of L.A.  Mia isn't missing (as her mom first dreads) -- she has run away from home, determined to let the world eat her up to erase her pain.

Mia's mom and stepdad eventually track her down and drag her kicking and screaming into a bootcamp in eastern Europe.  In this controversial program which is a "last resort" for many problematic teens, both Mia and her mom, Claire, come to terms with their pasts and work towards a healthy future.   Turns out that Mia's self-loathing stems from the sexual abuse she suffered as a baby at the hands of her own father. Watching her struggle to regain some semblance of self-love is heartbreaking and emotional, especially as a mother.

This is a disturbing story about a mother who couldn't keep her young daughter safe, and it frightens all of us who wish only to keep our own daughters safe from harm. But ultimately, this is also an inspiring story, told in Claire and Mia's own words -- TOGETHER.  This is a real page turner (I literally couldn't put it down).  At times, it seemed too horrible to continue, but what kept me going was knowing that things work out in the end.  I'm not sure I could have read this story if Mia wasn't able to survive the things that happened to her. But she did survive, and is thriving quite well.  You can check out more about Claire and Mia on their website.

With both books, I continue to be fascinated by memoirs.  Like some sort of "life detective", I read memoirs to see how other people handle pain and the disappointments of life.  Some like Burns, do it with humor, and others, like the Fontaines, do it by baring their souls for all to see.