Rance is still racking up the hits has people try to figure out which celebrity he is. So I'm still mentioning him because (1) I have this fascination with being linked to a celebrity (even if it is only a google link, and not a real-life affair or anything) and (2) I like being ranked on google -- period.
Anyway, Rance recently asked for essays from his readers in order to qualify as guest bloggist. The question was:
“What would you do if you were given control of Fox Studios for one year?” Again, the rules are: #1: Essays must be 500 words or less. If they come in at 501, Sally is stopping by your computer terminal. #2: Say something about yourself first, so as to provide perspective.
I missed the deadline for the essay submission, but here's what I would have written:
If I were given the reins at Fox Studios, I would immediately fire everyone in the Television Division. Then I would take all of those responsible for greenlighting and producing The Swan and I would (1) tell them that they are all asshats, and (2) force them to strip to underwear and then tell them how disgusting their bodies are, while using a permanent marker to circle every blemish and fat pocket and finally, (3) force them to undergo extreme cosmetic surgery only to discover that -- they are still as ugly in the inside as they've always been.
Oh yeah, and for added sadistic pleasure I would record every humiliation for a Reality TV show called, "FOX Exploits Human Suffering and Pain."
As a sidenote, Fox is going to continue with The Swan franchise because apparently, unlike me, most people were not offended by this shit. I avoided that show like the plague but did see the "winner" in a gossip rag. Here's the thing, am I the only one who thinks that they transformed all of these women into Jessica Hahn clones -- big boobs, white teeth, long hair -- and that they basically look like unattractive female impersonators? Also, kind of scary that Fox is trying to "mass produce and army of women" with certain "parts" that they find to be acceptably attractive. How freaking "Stepford Wives" is that?
Also, did these people NOT see Shrek? I'd rather be an ogre, than a Jessica Hahn-Stepford Wife-female impersonator-robot. But that's just me.